If I had been a slightly lazier shift supervisor at Tower Records, I could have saved myself a lot of trouble. [Because of a marathon of crime], once a month, I had to scan through “high risk” departments of our store looking for discrepancies in the physical inventory...because I enjoyed it, I did a decent job, and that’s really where this all went terribly, terribly wrong.
It’s surprising how easy it is to ignore choices you’ve made that inescapably direct you down a path of no return like purchasing bad pillows. When I bought the pillows in 2009, I found the concept of spending any amount of money on pillows truly obscene. Money wasn’t for pillows – it was for necessities like coffee and rent and pizza rolls.
I’m a thorough, meticulous person. When I set my mind to a task, I run it down with precision, every step crosschecked and calculated. In my professional life, my hyper-organized, careful nature is met with commendation.
After I finished reading A Game of Thrones, for the first time, the only response to the name “Theon Greyjoy” I could manage was, “Ugh, Theon. Worst.”
Despite having relocated to Texas partway through my adolescence, my family actually is, in a sense, like Mardi Gras; we’re Cajuns – an ethnic group descendant of the French Acadians who were forced out of their Canadian homes during Le Grand Dérangement in the late 1750’s by those infamous parade-rainers themselves, the British.
The pursuit of ambitions and aspirations has always been second nature to me. Like unreliable, yet persistent, clockwork, I set the plan of action, and proceed to run down success like a lion in pursuit of a tasty, tasty wildebeest.
IT IS WHAT IT IS. I adore that phrase. It’s so clean; it’s compliance riddled with disgruntled defeat. It’s precisely my style. It’s a shrug, a laugh, and a ‘whacha gonna do?’ all wrapped up in a simple, symmetrical sentence.
I wouldn’t trust seventeen year old me with choosing a shampoo, let alone defining a career path. And yet, that’s how it goes. I coasted through grade school, stole money from my brother’s dresser, and then, like a light switch, I chose the rest of my life.
I’ve had relationships end before....In the past, words like “snarky” and “independent” have described me. Phrases like “inspiringly hateful.” Never before have I been referred to as “forlorn and overly weepy.”
